


He Sees Me (Too)

by Malecfan09



Series: Being seen by the one you love [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Boyfriends, Caring Magnus Bane, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Established Relationship, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Implied Discrimination, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, SELF-HARM MENTIONED BRIEFLY, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malecfan09/pseuds/Malecfan09
Summary: Through the eyes of Magnus, Alec finally feels that he counts too
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Being seen by the one you love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190927
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31





	He Sees Me (Too)

**Author's Note:**

> Please pay attention to the tags, there is a brief mention (nothing explicit) of self-harm, discrimination and homophobia. Please read with care and don’t read it if you feel at all vulnerable about these issues.
> 
> This is Alec’s POV, the matching fic to He Sees Me (Magnus’s POV).
> 
> Big thanks also to my beta @lilyofwalley who is such a great support <3 check out her fics too.
> 
> None of the characters are mine, of course, they belong to the great Cassandra Clare. Any mistakes are mine alone and I own them completely.

Alec isn’t used to being admired, adored and worshipped. He isn’t used to being in the limelight, being the center of attention, being seen. Jace is the golden boy, the one who people gather around. Alec is content to be the quicksilver, staying in the shadows and protecting those he loves. Then a chance meeting turned his world upside down. Magnus stormed into his life, ripping apart the carefully sown fabric of his existence. Questioning and pushing, refusing to pull away, refusing to allow Alec to stich himself back into his old habits.

It wasn’t a smooth ride to self-acceptance and the acknowledgement that he counts in this shadowhunter world. That he also deserves to count just as much in his own personal world. There were several rocky sections to traverse, moments where his sense of duty, of what he owed to his family ( _If you follow the rules everything is going to be fine_ ) drowned out the voices that told him that he too was worthy of attention and of love. There were huge boulders to overcome like the idea that rational thought is the most important guiding principal ( _The point is we are shadowhunters, emotions get in the way_ ), like the feeling of never being enough for his parents, for the Clave ( _I’ve done everything for my parents, for the Clave..._ ), feeling really distant from who he really is, a gay shadowhunter ( _There is nothing to be ashamed of Alec_ ) and experiencing the rejection by his mother ( _I don’t even recognize you anymore…and all for a Downworlder_ ) for choosing who he wants to love. There was frustration and self-harm, each fueling the other and creating a bonfire of insecurity hidden behind a surly façade. All of this took time and patience and care to be dismantled and reborn from the ashes of disappointment. All of this took the love of one man who saw through the façade and believed in the soul that was slowly being burnt to a cinder under the weight of expectation. Who saw and believed with such conviction that Alec found it eventually impossible to resist and then no longer had the desire to do so.

Alec is now surrounded by love in a way that he never dreamed was possible. Magnus has shown him that he counts, that he is important and that he is irreplaceable. Magnus openly supports his ideas and convictions, he admires his straight-forward directness, he applauds his protectiveness, he gives him time to assimilate new things, he smiles at his attempts at humour, he jokes him out of his broodiness, he kisses his grumpy morning face, he flirts with his awkward attempts at communicating his feelings, he dances with joy at his possessiveness, he teases him about his baby snores and he melts in adoration of his battle-worn body. He allows Alec to be exactly the person that he _is_ , no embarrassed sighs when he is very direct with his words, no clicking of tongues when he openly shows affection, no disappointed shaking of heads when he comes back wounded from a hunt.

No, with Magnus, Alec is free. Free of the shackles that bind him to convention and duty and family reputation. With Magnus, under his loving gaze, Alec is truly himself. With Magnus, Alec has reached a point where he no longer needs anyone’s gaze to justify himself, not anymore. He is confident in his own qualities now because he is seen by Magnus and appreciated. Through Magnus’s eyes he understands that who he is and what he stands for have equal value and equal credibility with anyone else. Magnus is the magnifying glass through which Alec has been able to construct a clearer vision of who he really is. Magnus _sees_ him and for that Alec loves him even more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I’d love to know what you think.


End file.
